Nov 6, 2010 (Bidadi)
--The day of Deepavali Swami was not in the ashram. I didn't know what's the plan.
--So on the day of Deepavali as usual, we the ashramites were ready for daily pada puja. The one change was we were told that puja will be in Chit Sabha.
--When they open the screen, wow! just like Swami (Swami's idol) sitting on His throne. If I didn't know Swami's out traveling, maybe I would've thought swami is the one who is sitting on the throne.
--Immediately, I thought...."God, who did this beautiful work? Gave us such a joy". I thought must be the temple team who worked late just to give us the experience of Swami's physical presence on this special day. Really, in the past, I wouldn't have appreciate all these work. With Swami's grace, I've done temple work and alankar. This dimension is truly and expansion in me.
-- After the puja we went to the stage and received His blessings from the paduka.
-- Then actually we received Swami's blessings(live) from where ever He was. He wished all of us a Happy Deepavali and finally, He said, He will return back to the ashram the same night. So He can spend the Deepavali night with us.
--Of course that made all the residents of the ashram so happy and excited. That was a pleasant surprise.
-- Yesterday I played fire crackers. God..... that was an interesting experience. Being raised in Malaysia and living in USA for many years, the only thing I can remember is it's illegal. Someone could get hurt. I could see it touching my conditioning.
--The best part was when Swami returned to the ashram. Wow!!!!.....more firecrackers. Gosh....it was not firecrackers, the sound of it is more like fireworks. It even look like fireworks. I had a mix feelings like fun, annoying and also somewhat fear.....someone could get hurt. That's all, it was running in my head.
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| This is my fear. This is the fear the media / gov. put in me while in school, when they implemented the law to band firecrackers. Firecrackers = injury & suffering! |
--Talking about Master touching your tumor. Swami was sitting for Homa. I was sitting to the left of Swami, where all the ashramites and devotees were sitting. He turned towards the ashramites / devotees, told us to play fire cracker.
-- Well....I thought 'I am not going.' I continue to sit. Such a dilemma. Whether to continue to sit or go and play firecrackers, to face my conditioning.
--Of course, since now I am aware it is one of societal conditioning, I decided to go and play. In Swami's presence is the best time to face the fear. He will help, make the process easier.
-- So I did face my fear, and played firecrackers. Not fancy ones. Only the simple ones. Safety was emphasized the whole time. I played the thing that's design like long match stick. The safest and easiest :)
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| Maybe I had the same reaction :) |
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| Yes.....the one, famous among kids was my choice. |
Interesting these days, I have the awareness to witness my thoughts. Able to see clearly when I am editing my thoughts and inner chatter out of my fear or greed, and the parental or societal conditioning thoughts. Honestly, prior to Swami, I had no awareness about these at all. Especially talking about 'editing' the thoughts and so on.
