Oct. 2, 2010 (Bidadi) Just wanted to share a small incident that happened recently in the Bidadi Ashram.
Actually, beside our regular tasks in the ashram, there was an initiative from one of the senior Maharaj, he decided to help the brahmacharis and brahmacarinis to internalize Swami's teachings.
One of the way is to have a very short discussion or forum. This is whenever we are chatting while waiting for the meeting to start or in the dining room chit-chatting while eating, he suggested we will start talking about Swami or His teachings. Even if it's just for 5 minutes. He said the whole problem with our mission is because we never internalize Swami's words and no depth in understanding about the mission . (again these are my words, can't remember exact words he used).
Another thing that he suggested was to do a thorough research and study of a favorite topic or a something relevant to our service in the mission. This he said "do a presentation". He said like presentation in the colleges. Then he went around asking for topics voluntarily. Here you go, I raised my hand and suggested "being in the presence of the Master". The rational behind that topic was I truly believe there will be a huge transformation being in the presence of the Living Master but I always had difficulty to put it in words when my friends talk to me on this subject in a debating or argumentative way. And on top of it now my seva (volunteering service) is doing the Healing Tower work, sharing my spiritual experience.
If I am given the power to decide for all my friends and family (of course family in a big picture, all the devotees) I will bring all of them to this up coming Inner Awakening Program, so they can be in the physical presence of the Master, especially now He is out after a major abusal from the society and being in the seclusion for 53 days. One should be in His presence, then they will understand what are they missing. They may not know now right away, but I tell you from my experience, this will allow Swamiji to give birth to a 'NEW YOU'. Oh God.... I just wish everybody could see the importance of it. Anyway based on this, I thought if I internalize it, I will be able to express and verbalize it better, so it will benefit others and myself.
Now, came my turn and I said out loud the topic 'Being in the Presence of the Master'. Maharaj looked at me, the very next second, he said "Ma...you have deeper experience, come-up with some other topic'. I think He gave that topic to some other bramacharinis. Oh no...!
Here you go, next 15 minutes, I was thinking all different type of topics. In fact I told Maharaj, "something deeper???" laughingly I said "should I talk about societies' abuses to be a spiritual seeker". We laughed and he said, 'no, you don't have to talk about that'. I raised my hand again, told him "Why don't you suggest a topic for me." He said "I've been thinking, but nothing is falling in place yet". In matter of minutes he said he thought of a topic for me.
Can you Guess???? He said .......
Honestly my first reaction was..................to Cry. It was like arrows of words hit me. Really, after that whole time I was in the meeting, whenever I think about this title.....felt like crying.
Somehow, I felt like, it was a painful experience. I really wondered based on what did he pick that title for me.
The title is "TRUST even if you are Exploited"
Recently, I went through a divorce. The divorce happened in such an 'ugly' and painful way ( that was my experience). Some how I felt strongly, I lived Master's teachings the whole time 'Trusted and trusted and trusted.....'. Each time.....I gave my trust, I received as a return exploitation." Just by one person. Truly, that was my experience and feeling. Whether it's my ego or imagination or truth................that's is the strong experience I went through my divorce.
Never, I understood the concept of 'trust even if you are exploited'. When first time I heard from Swamiji, I wondered....'how can you trust someone, when you are exploited'?. I remember Swami was referring to Ma Sarada Devi's life.
God....I must have either picked up from Swamiji or He must have 'installed' that 'software' or His bio-memory in me, to trust someone, to live life with trust. Honestly.....if you know my story of divorce, I am pretty sure you will agree with me, that my trust was exploited each time. However as mentioned in Swami's teaching, when you trust even when we are exploited, we do live like a king. It doesn't make sense, but this is like spirituality....it's beyond logic. Again I am stuck, not able to verbalize.
However the good news is one of my dear friends, with whom I've shared most of my personal life story especially the journey I went through while divorcing and my life after that, put my experience of 'TRUST even if you are exploited' in writing, with the idea to help me to present the topic relating it with my personal life story and end with Master's teachings.
I did promise to some of you, I will email that content.....still not comfortable to share it up in the web publicly. But I am willing to share, just email me....if I know you, I will share it with you.
Here you go.......................my sharing for today.
