TRUST

Thinking back on my experiences, I find Swamiji keeps giving me more than I give, and I feel Swamiji never took anything from me. Whatever I've given was donated willingly. I paid for some programs and donated for services the mission is doing. So Swami owes me nothing.

Swami only gave, more than I can give, especially when it comes to trust. In society I would not be qualified and people wouldn't trust me for the big tasks that Swami gave me the opportunity to do. Basically I do not have the knowledge for it. Even I would not give that much trust to myself.

I would not trust myself to manage the temple. Not only I was managing the temple, I was coordinating it at the national level. I would not trust myself to represent Vedic culture to the public. He put me out in front - I had such a personal connection with many devotees - trusting me with his good reputation. I handled so much cash and made many decisions that involved so much spending. I couldn't believe I was hand picked to do such seva. Many many times, I made blundering mistakes - even I would have been so upset with myself - but Swami never 'poked' me on these points. If needed He questioned me but He kept on trusting me and giving me opportunities to do even bigger things. He keep on giving me chances, to do it again and again and again till I feel comfortable or till I grow.

I trust Swamiji because He trusted me more than I trust myself.

Navaratri - Chandi Homa

Oct.16, 2010 (Bidadi)

We just finish 2nd day Chandi Homa.  The highlight is the gurukal kids (boys and girls) were worshiped.
 Then followed by brahmacharinis and rishis (married woman).  To witness Swamiji (an incarnation) to pay respect and do puja was the best.

Being a woman, I can tell, actually in Swami's ashram women are treated so divinely.  Women are empowered.  Of course, even this statement can be manipulated.Only thing I can tell you is, don't worry about what others say, what media projects, ........instead remember your time with Swamiji.  Was He very patient and healing or the other way around?

Always something special ...

Oct. 12, 2010 (Bidadi)

Today's special was Maheswara Puja.  mmm....Maheswara Puja itself is not that special for me but getting food from Swami's hand is the highlight.  Yes!

I've heard when Enlightened Beings eat food in someone's house, it seems they also 'swallow' their (the host) sins and karma.  And imagine this is even better sharing food with the Enlightened Being (like a big family).

Of course generally only the Sanyasis gets it but Master is too compassionate so He gave to the Rishis (married couples) too.  I am neither Sanyasi nor Rishi, again here comes Master's compassion, and gave me handful of rice from His plate.  

The idea behind Maheswara Puja is to do Shanti prayers and feel the soul that has left the body.  Since sanyasis have renounced everything and they are considered as do not have any identity or attachment, so feeding them is like feeding the cosmos and believe will reach the soul. (that's my understanding)

It was fun! I served the sanyasis food.  today is the first Maheswara Puja, my ego was not in the was at all.
It was a nice feeling.

LEP comes to an end.....

Oct. 11, 2010 (Bidadi)

Yes, LEP session comes to an end today, well...maybe yesterday evening around 7:30pm, after the energy darshan.  But I personally think the work is just going to begin. More than 40 participants received Swami's energized paduka. They have committed to have satsang centers.

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A small tip:

It seems whatever thoughts we have while eating and bathing we tend to execute it unconsciously.  So at least while bathing and eating we should have awareness.  Of course I heard this from the Master.  So just sharing.....

Very Special Day....

Oct. 9, 2010 (Bidadi)

Today's been another 'ultimate' or another exceptionally beautiful for me.

This morning I had an opportunity to do Pratyaksha Pada puja again.  This is my 3rd time, since I've been in Bidadi in this visit.  Today I got the center spot.  As though so close to the Divine and had the blessings to see Him with full heart.  Just so content.  Honestly, now even this desire to do pada puja has been fullfilled.  Even though I have done it in the past, still I always feel greedy to do pada puja for Swamiji.  Just because I've read and heard the benefits of it. I feel so blessed to do that seva, washing the feet of the divine and doing seva for the divine mother.  For me, one of the ultimate thing, can be done in this body is doing seva for the Divine Mother. Anyway, that's me and my 'world'.

Today after the puja, Swami gave me blessings.  God....He said something that I always wanted to hear from him.  He said something like this "All the auspiciousness.........(can't remember the rest and then I heard) You will be with me and I will be with you."  If you notice, Swami always says 'I will be with You'. Which I know divine is very compassionate, He is always with me.  The thing I know is me and my mind, tend to ignore and prevent to be connected to the existence.

Very few times, I've heard Swami blesses 'You will be with me'.  As matter of fact I've heard it only once, He blessed Bhakta Swami in Duarte for his birthday either in 2006 or 2007.  Even then itself, I thought...'wow, this is different, He says You will be with Me?'.  That's rare.

This time, when I arrived in Bidadi and got my first blessings, I think Swami did say the same thing, 'You will be with me."  But as usual the mind plays a game...I start doubting, 'did He really said that'?  But today I know for sure He said it.  He made sure I heard it well too.  Swami said very slowly, He paused and stressed it when He said "You will be with ME, I will be With YOU".

Oh another important thing, when said that, I am Not relating with His physical form.  I understood as I will always be connected to This Divine Energy.  Yes, no doubt I enjoy being in the presence of the Master.  But many people, automatically make a conclusion, that being with Him means being around Him in His physical presence. NO, at least for me it means I will be with the flow of His energy, not against the current.  Being able to recognize & experience He is Formless is a blessing.

Gang is back from Himalayas

Oct. 6, 2010 (Bidadi)


Swami arrived in the ashram yesterday around 2:30pm.  All the ashramites, Gurukal  kids, Brahmacaris, Brahmacarinis, Rishis', LEP participants and volunteers, gathered in front of the temple to receive Swamiji.

• More than excitement, for me is like deep relief and a kind of feeling that was subtle the same time deep peace and happiness to see Swamiji.
• This season being around Swamiji, one major highlight is witnessing His grace deeper than what I saw in the past.  Every single movement is so graceful.  There's not a single dot of violence.  Even when He's handling His handkerchief.
• Swami spent about 30 to 40 minutes with all of us in the temple.  Sharing some progress that happened in the trip.  His met with Nirvani Akkada people. 
• Obstacles and miracles in the Himalayas.  One of the path was blocked for safety reason.  So the senior ashramite came and reported to Swami that "we can't go there".  The road is closed. ....." Swami then asked him to show the route on a map.  Swami put His finger one the map and moved His finger on the route (map) this Yatra has to travel, to clear the obstacles.  Soon the ashramite came back and reported that they can continue with the plan.  The road is now open to the public.
• So many other nice things He shared.....I forgot, sorry!
• After the meet in the temple, Swami spent more than 2 hours with the ashramites.  That was fun!
• Oh in the meeting Swami gave His mother, blessings to conduct eN-Satsang.  Any number of people can get together in one place (doesn't even have to be large group); devotee's house, log into Skype, arrange the best time with Bidadi team...we will arrange 'amma' to share her view and experience. For now she will speak in Tamil. I think that's really cool!  To hear the 'mother' speak. email: ia@nithyananda.org or if you know me, feel free to contact me.  Will get you a spot.

What else.....mmm, well...., I will stop here for now.  If I think of something else, I will share more.

Nadi or Palm Leaf Reading - Ancient Science

Oct.4, 2010 (Bidadi)

Palm leaf reading or also known as Nadi. I've heard about but now it's a 'hot' thing here again. Many of the LEP participants who didn't join the Himalayas trip, went to Pondicherry for the Nadi reading.


It's very interesting to hear all their experiences. I had a chance to sit and listen first hand experience of participant. He's from New Zealand. He said how this Nadi reader able to tell his parents name, how many siblings and some of his personal life information accurately. Then the Nadi reader also mentioned about His Spiritual life it seems. Everything seems like pretty accurate. In fact the Nadi reader also mentioned about Swami's blessings for the individuals and blessings for the group.


Talking about Nadi reading, a senior ashramites was mentioning about Nadi reading for Swamiji. It's pretty interesting to hear about Swami's reading. I am sure most of you have come across it, but here is the link:

http://standup-for-nithyananda.blogspot.com/2010/03/believe-it-or-not-palmleaf-manuscript.html

My 1st Pratyaksha Padha Pooja to Swami's feet in Duarte, in 2007.